TORONTO – “The hell you mean I see this stuff every year?” asked Rudy, a mature chocolate Lab who has lived in Canada his entire life, as he leapt frantically in the […]
Dog Who Has Seen Snow Before Confirms He Has Never Seen Snow Before
Paul Duncan
Looking Pointedly At Nigel Farage, EU Votes To Ban Single-Use Politicians
BRUSSELS – Citing studies that show 100% of the waste from single-use politicians ends up stuck in the throats of their electorate, as well as turtles (who also can’t resist trying to […]
World Chess Championship Cancelled After Both Players Test Positive For Steroids
LONDON – The 2018 World Chess Championship came to an early, and shocking, conclusion today, when both players were disqualified for testing positive for anabolic steroids, one of three substances banned by […]
American Spy Plane Detects Canadians Conducting Peace Exercises Along US Border
In a flagrant escalation of their agenda of utter non-aggression, and a continuation of their publicly stated desire to just get along, the Canadians have today made good on their threats to […]
World Leaders Gather To Remember How Great Nationalism Is
PARIS – As has been the case every year since the armistice ending World War I was signed at the 11th hour, of the 11th day, of the 11th month, 100 years […]
New Ontario Sex-Ed Curriculum Just PC Party Members Demonstrating What Not To Do
Just months after repealing a modernized health and physical education curriculum that included such cutting edge concepts as “Don’t Sexually Harass People, Especially If You Like Having A Job And Usable Reputation,” […]
Giant ‘Get Well Soon’ Card Appears On American Side Of US-Canada Border
LAKE OF THE ISLES, NY – Signed by over 35 million Canadians, with messages in more than 50 different languages, a 100-metre high sympathy card appeared on the American side of the […]
Hope In US Midterms, As Exit Polls Show 50.01% Have Voted Against Eating More Glue
It appears sense may be returning to the land that invented the Turducken, string cheese, and deep-fried butter. In a tepid rebuke of 2016, when 62,984,828 Americans voted to eat glue because of […]
Canadian Tire Releases New Line Of Fragrances
TORONTO – In a high society event attended by a who’s who of Canadian DIYers, amateur gardeners, and alternative currency collectors, one of this country’s flagship retailers today unveiled an entirely unexpected […]
More Troops Mobilized In US, As Caravan Of Winter-Averse Canadians Spotted Heading For The Border
An already embattled Trump administration – desperately trying to find a way to prevent the equivalent of 0.002% of the current population of the United States from crossing the border and destroying […]
