In between the gales – the one to the north of Bermuda that we’d been expecting, and the second, to the south, that we had not – I made breakfast for us […]
In Between Storms
Paul Duncan
Concerns Grow In US, As Early Tests Indicate The Coronavirus Cannot Be Shot
As the number of people who have contracted the coronavirus continues to rise, the United States has had to face a brutal, albeit unsurprising, truth about this microscopic enemy: it can’t be […]
Earth To Evict Humans, As Planet Looks To Self-Isolate For Health Reasons
Saying that if the human race didn’t have anywhere else to go that wasn’t its problem, planet Earth today served notice that everyone, everywhere, had to be off its outer crust by […]
WHO Reports Everyone On Earth Thinks Their Throat Is A Bit Scratchy Now That You Mention It
In a midday press conference to update an anxious world on the spread of the coronavirus, the WHO added a new statistic to the usual numbers: the number of people who might […]
Police Believe Serial Killer On The Loose, After Man Seen Shaking Multiple People’s Hands
TORONTO – Local police are on the hunt for a man they believe may have shook as many as two dozen hands yesterday, in a brazen virus-transmitting spree with no clear motive. […]
Coronavirus Credited With Saving Thousands Of Lives After Gun Convention Cancelled
Experts in not-needlessly-dying say as many as 8,000 lives have been saved today by an unlikely source: the novel coronavirus. This, after America’s largest gun convention was cancelled over fears that people […]
Pangolin Says It Has More Viruses Where That Came From If People Don’t Leave It The Fuck Alone
The ground pangolin stopped in the long, swaying grass of the African veld, and turned to face a visiting reporter who had just asked him if he was aware that a virus […]
Asked If It Has A Personal Mantra, Approaching Asteroid Says “Live, Laugh, Love, Quickly”
“Let me put it this way. I wouldn’t spend much time worrying about current events. Any possible issue you are worried about right now, is just a few days away from being […]
Letting Go Of His Anger, Coffee Cup Left On Roof Of Car Makes Peace With Cruel World
“No no no no no no no,” a coffee cup in Markham, Ontario said in growing desperation early this morning, as the man who had just purchased him and his contents of […]
Surrounded By Thousands Of Likelier Ways To Die, Odd Species Arbitrarily Focuses On One
A man strolls across a busy street in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. A large truck bears down on him, but the man doesn’t notice, engrossed as he is in his phone, and reading […]
