Leaving no doubt that he is the best pound-for-pound prime minister to get in the ring with the general public since Jean Chrétien famously throttled a protester in 1996, Justin Trudeau […]
*12.3 billion Earth years after the Big Bang. Aliens: Hello? 1.5 billion years pass while they wait for a response. Earthlings: Hey! Who’s this? Aliens (simultaneously): Hello? 1.5 billion years go by. […]
In a startling, but not unexpected finding, researchers from Simon Fraser University have discovered that the average Canadian burns through pens at a rate approaching 900 for every hour of the day […]
In the latest sign that the 21st century will be just as kind to Canada’s original inhabitants as the previous five, RCMP officers arrived today on Wet’suwet’en territory, intent on ignoring the […]
With U.S. President Donald Trump having proved to be an intolerable intolerant to the majority of Americans, and a growing liability to the rest – who prefer their systemic racism and bigotry […]
In a still developing story, District of Columbia police officers are responding to multiple reports of an active asshole operating in the vicinity of the White House. Though the situation remains fluid, […]
A Canadian research vessel has made a Daliesque discovery in the waters north of Hawaii today. Apparently unhappy with being hunted by small, angry bipedals with poor environmental hygiene, whales have decided […]
After a lifetime of pondering such weighty questions as why men go bald, not all Eastern European women can speak English, and failing at business is the best way to be considered […]
In an acceptance speech given to a floating island of garbage somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean early this morning, the year 2019 repeated a promise it made often on […]
In a move that is already being heralded by the Scandinavians as, “Easily the hurdiest, and quite possibly the gurdiest thing that country has ever done,” Canada today announced its plans to […]
