***Satire*** It adds up to three years of the average Canadian’s life, and researchers say it may be as high as two decades for those afflicted with compulsive friendliness. A team from […]
***Satire*** In an attempt to capitalize on being married to the least-liked and most-photographed president in United States history, Melania Trump has announced that she will begin wearing a NASCAR-style sponsored racing […]
A hard demon to reach, Satan is also, apparently, not happy about all the assholes in the world speaking for him. “Nope. I wouldn’t say that. Not that either. No. Never.” He […]
Parents Concerned Lower Speed Limits Would Affect Their Ability To Speed Home To Prevent Their Children From Walking Along Streets Full Of Crazy Drivers.
***Satire*** Calls to lower the speed limit across the City of Toronto from ‘Usually Fatal’ to ’50/50,’ are being met with resistance from a wide array of speedsters; libertarians; overbooked parents; and […]
“Forsooth, my good man,” says Colonel Jim McAfferty, former above-ground resident of Albany, New York, and now leader of the Dead Democrats for Change Foundation. “I most certainly will be tumbling in […]
In a surprise announcement today from a bar in Cape Canaveral, Charles Bolden – Administrator of NASA – revealed that man is returning to the moon for the first time in nearly […]
“I give negative two shits about Pokemon, even though I have no idea what a Pokemon is.” Declares Jim Bulgari, a regular at the Pig’s Eye in Hamilton, Ontario, who goes on […]
“At first I was afraid,” says Angela Merkel, “I was petrified. Kept thinking we could never live without them by our side. But then we spent two minutes thinking how they did us wrong. And we grew strong. And we learned how to get along.
“I’m just going to put out some feelers.” Justin Trudeau reportedly told his cabinet today, in a closed-door meeting regarding the recent violence in the United States, and more worrying likelihood there […]
In news that is likely to eventually be true, a recent study revealed a strange new norm: Canadians are living long enough to spend the majority of their lives as old people. […]