“Sir,” said an officer in the United States Centre For Watching Every Move Those Shifty Snow Communists Make, housed in an old football stadium in Buffalo, New York. “Sir? You’d better come […]
Canada Tests Cloaking Device
Trump Warns Copying Socialist Canada Could Lead To US Being Voted Most Livable Country
Taking time out of running arguably the most successful nation in history into the ground, through a combination of cannibalistic policies and intercontinental ballistic idiocy, U.S. President Donald Trump today warned that […]
Cons Blame Trudeau For Poorly Negotiated World Magnetic Model After North Pole Leaves Canada
“This prime minister has shown time and time again that when dealing with the elemental, unbending forces of our universe, he is either incapable, or uninterested, in negotiating the best possible deal […]
Following Pushback Against Heritage Minutes Spoof, Scheer Shelves CPCTV Sketch Comedy Project
With little fanfare, Andrew Scheer today quietly tasked Hamish Marshall – head of his campaign to not let Stephen Harper down in the coming election – with dismantling the Conservative improv troupe […]
Same Guy Who Refuses To Believe Gender Is A Construct Sure That His Boat Is A She
“She’s a good boat,” says Tim Loveless, of Nanaimo B.C., gesturing with a sweep of his arm that is both casual and deeply affectionate, towards a well-used assembly of marine ply, fibreglass, […]
Outraged Andrew Scheer Demands Meeting With Al Gorithm
OTTAWA – “I don’t know who this Al guy thinks he is,” said Canadian prime ministerial hopeful Andrew Scheer today, as he furthered his attack on things he found online that he […]
Rest Of Canada Settles Into An Enjoyable Evening Of Watching Toronto Battle 15 cm Of Snow
As the city of Toronto came to grips with an expected dumping of nearly 150 millimetres of snow – right in the middle of winter, of all seasons, when it will be hardest […]
Canada Looking Forward To The US Telling Them Who Their Next Ambassador To China Will Be
Following a tumultuous week in U.S.-Canadian-U.S.-China-U.S. relations – one which saw the firing of Canada’s top diplomat to the Asian nation for being inconveniently honest (twice) without having received prior approval from […]
Hostage-Taker Comes Out With His Hands Up
WASHINGTON – After 35 days of repeatedly telling negotiators that he would not – under any circumstances – back down from his demands, the Hamberder Hinderer (as he is known amongst the […]
Doomsday Clock Now Available In Convenient Wristwatch Format
For the millions of people worried they might miss the implosion of civilization as we know it, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists today announced that they have got just the thing: a […]
