“Well they have to practice on someone don’t they?” asked Shirley Naught, of Seattle, Washington, as a team of Navy Seals drove an amphibious assault vehicle through the window of a nearby […]
At 1:00 AM EDT this morning police forces across the United States paused in their beating of Black Lives Matter protesters to mark the passing of one of America’s great civil right’s […]
“You can’t make me!” Debra Pauntliss of Oakland, California screams at the top of her lungs as a preternaturally patient CVS employee firmly reminds the half-naked woman that she requires a mask, […]
The United States is said to be furiously reviewing their planned trajectory to Mars to make sure it doesn’t route through Europe, after that continent officially banned Americans from entering any time […]
Researchers at the University of Unceded Territory say they have made a discovery that could turn a deeply nuanced world on its binary head: an entirely new type of patriotism. One in […]
In a move that many saw coming, the council of Theoretical Life On Mars today banned all flights from Earth for at least the next five millennia, citing concerns over an outbreak […]
Editor’s Note: The events in this article are true. The quotes are fictitious. The state of this situation requires this be made clear. In this, sadly, the satire now consists of simply presenting things baldly. […]
“Zero,” said Canadian Minister of Health Patty Hajdu, speaking to reporters via video conference from her home. “The total number of people in Canada who are currently homesick is zero. We have, […]
Carrying on a trend that started 4.6 billion years ago, and is expected to endure for at least another 20 billion fiscal quarters, the energy blasting towards Earth in an unbroken stream from […]
Even as the number of people who have contracted the coronavirus passed the 2 million mark yesterday, a new figure of tribulation emerged amongst the grim flood of trials the world is […]
