After breaking out in a massive rash, and suddenly beginning to feel quite feverish, the planet Earth was today forced to inform its co-globes that it thought it might be coming down […]
Earth Warns Other Planets It Might Be Contagious
In Last Ditch Bid For Re-Election, Notley Begs RCMP To Investigate Her For Something, Anything
In a final push to gain the approval of Albertan voters, Premier Rachel Notley today demanded that the RCMP investigate her for something, anything, just please find a reason to question her […]
Ford Makes Up For Drastic Cuts To Education By Offering Free After-School Tequila Shots
PARTY TOWN – In a budget that will be remembered for Doug Ford’s making good on the key promise he made to the voters of Ontario during last year’s campaign to not […]
Rest Of Earth’s Inhabitants Vote To Phase Out People By The Year 2040
NEWARK – In a move that has been expected by everyone other than humans for quite some time, the rest of life on Earth today voted to do what has to be […]
Tuberculosis Put In Charge Of The CDC
Saying he felt that the lung-attacking bacteria had a lot of good ideas on how to defend people’s bodies from infection, President Donald Trump today appointed TB as the new director of […]
Gang Of Ontario Teachers Caught In Nefarious Plot To Give Kids The Best Possible Education
In what is already being described by Premier Doug Ford as “the darkest day in the long history of the great fiefdom of Ontario,” police today revealed that they have discovered a […]
Bowing To Public Pressure, Canada Bans Keeping Hockey Players In Captivity
“Oh and there he goes,” says June Lynnesmen, a volunteer at the Free The Forecheckers Foundation, as she watches yet another hockey player take to his skates and disappear off across the […]
Trump To Spend Rest Of Term Personally Buzzing People Through Southern Border
Saying he really wasn’t that busy anyway, U.S. President Donald Trump today announced that he will henceforward personally vet all applicants looking to enter the United States via the southern border, with […]
China Just Glad To See Canada Finally Doing Their Part For The Environment
“At the risk of offending our remote northern neighbors, it’s about Peking time,” said a Chinese diplomat today, as the world’s largest industrialized economy (by output) welcomed the world’s second-largest economy (by […]
Breaking: April Fool’s Day Called Off Due To General Agreement Shit Already Weird Enough
With global absurdity levels at an all time high, in an eleventh hour decision the United Nations has moved to cancel April Fool’s day for the first time since Pharoah Ramesses told […]
